What He Wants - Kanda Yu x Reader Chapter 1

You didn't get it...it was a while before word got out that Kanda had died...but if that was the case then why the hell did Marie and Lenalee come rushing in and saying Kanda was actually alive and he was there right behind them?

Not really knowing what you could do you just stood there in the hall way and stayed silent, you didn't understand...he could of been with Alma. Ever since the day when you watched the two fight so harshly then Allen had let the two be you'd think he would only be there for Alma and your relationship with him was over.

Not that you wanted that to happen, just you knew that by looking at how he reacted of when he was told his friend had been alive ever since those 9 years. Sighing you shook your head and watched him walk down the hall some more, when he walked into a room you looked down at the floor under your feet and walked the other direction.

Meanwhile Kanda had been given back mugen and had told that he then made up his own mind to become an exorcist. Even after everything that had happened he still didn't forgive The Order for what they did to him and Alma, but he had one person that he couldn't just leave in this place alone.

You.

Sure he could've just walked right in and grab you, after that walk right out and just take you where ever Akuma, Noah and The Order wouldn't ever be. But he also needed to protect what he had left so he decided to become an exorcist once more to fulfill his need.  
Walking straight out of the room he had gotten mugen back, he gave a brief goodbye and headed for your room, course the relationship you two had was a secret and needed to stay as one considering Leverrier had made his appearance demanding to know where Alma was at. Course you think he'd tell? Nope!

If your relationship with Kanda got out to Central then one of you would be in big trouble, besides Link was already on Allens back all the damn time so why should you two have the demon himself after you both?

Sighing he waited for you to return but knew you'd be a while, so with that he thought back to when he first saw you when he had gotten back. Your hair still looked rather better then when it had been in the huge fight that had actually taken place, course your  left cheek still had a bandage there or there.

'I wonder if I should tell her...' He thought as he sat there on your bed, his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned over and stared at the floor.

And just in a few or so minutes later you had returned to your  room after a meal, blinking when you noticed Kanda in your room you looked around outside before walking in and closing the door behind you rather quickly.

"What are you doing here?" You asked walking up to him.
"Che...can't I come in here to talk with you?" He asked looking up at you as he sat up.
"I guess, but what I meant is...aren't you suppose to be with Alma?" You asked then sat beside him, eyes looking out the window by your bed.
"About that...." He started, sighing he decided that he maybe should tell you.
"Hm?"
"I'm gonna tell you everything...everything about Alma and I..." He told, taking your hand in his.

And so during the time he had spent in your room he explained, what had happened to him before the two met. he even told her what he remembers of his past life and how he remembered the women being the Alma he had been looking for all this time. Taking all this in you sighed and looked at your locked hands.

You could feel the feelings he had of this women just through his words, the way he explained things and actually let out his feelings in front of you for this women he had been looking for, for so long. It kind of hurt....it felt as if your heart was being pulled out of your chest. But deep down you knew that after this you had to give him time to think of what he wants.

"Well....then I need you to go on and think of what you need right now, if you still want us to work out...then by all means I am up for it. But...if you still want to search for this women...then go on ahead." You told him then looked away.

It hurt...It hurt like no end, your chest tightened and tears were going to roll down your cheeks. But you had held them back..you couldn't let it show in front of him..not when he was right here beside you and telling you this. You knew that down the line it would get difficult if he ever had something like this happen. But you actually always had just left it in the back of your mind.

Thinking of it then made your heart hurt just like how it did now, but you should of known that this day would come. But you wanted to have at least some love with Kanda...you wanted to keep those small smiles you'd see all the time. Those kisses that were given when alone or on missions together, even the times when he had held you in his arms, the times when you two got in bed together which was only a few times due to Akuma and the Noah's.

"(Y/N) What do you..." He started but you stopped him.
"You've wanted to find this person for so long, you don't have to hide that from me. I could tell you were still with someone in the heart when we first got together....you weren't all interested in a few things..." You sighed then smiled sadly.
"Listen I was.." He tired once more but you cut him off once again.
"No Yuu..I'm just letting you have time to think on what you truly want, I don't think I should stand in your way." You told him, free hand cupping his cheek.

Kanda had looked at you with slight widen eyes, just looking at you he noticed you had tears forming in your eyes from what had been told. Frowning slightly his own free hand cupped your cheek as well. Thumb wiping away the tear that had actually fell down your cheek.
"Why do you think I had returned to the order?" He asked.
"Allen did let you be with Alma..." You muttered looking down.
"That and there's something else....rather someone else..." He replied.
"What?" You blinked staring back up at him.
"I need to protect what I have left in this hell of a word." He whispered.

Wait what? He was picking you? But...wasn't he just here to repay Allen for what he gave both him and Alma? Their last moments together should of actually let him be. He was finally free but here he was again and in front of you telling you he had come back not only to repay Allen but to be able to still protect you.

"But why? You were free." You ask frowning.
"My past will still be with me...but my girl now is what is helping me stay sane..." He sighed.

Your heart skip a beat when those words were said, how was this your Kanda? Usually his words were harsh and his glare would be sharp. But you noticed it had been softened up. He sure changed a little bit after his fight with Alma. You didn't mind it but you still liked Kanda when he would not admit some things, to you it was rather cute but you'd never said anything.

Sighing you let your head rest on his chest and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in close. Closing his eyes he had sighed as his cheek rested on your head. Having you in his arms felt right to him, even if his past would follow him and he'd never forget it he still couldn't just leave you...he did have feelings for you and he couldn't really deny them any longer.

He had before but when the two of you gotten together, he had been a bit 'un-interested' you could say to let them be known, but over time he found himself letting the feelings show in some ways that he actually could and felt as if they were at least letting her know he felt the same.

But now he new that he could at least do her the most of letting her know in some ways, showing her in the littlest ways as well. He wanted this relationship with you and he knew then and there that protecting what he had left was what he needed to do.

"I'm here to protect you..." He whispered rocking from side to side.
"I know..." You mumbled back, face nuzzled to his chest.

Closing your eyes you hoped that at this moment...nothing could take him away from you once more...or even try to do so...

But what you needed to do then was find Allen, you had a feeling Kanda was going to do just that and since you just got him back..you weren't gonna let him out of your sight for a while now. No matter how many protests he would give when you would tell him you'd follow him. You'd do it together so that he could be by your side and you could actually feel as if the world had given you one more chance to be with the man you loved.

No doubt you'd follow him even if he was against it..